I made this website for my Personal Project. When my mentor told me to make it about something I'm passionate about, I was like... I don't know what to do. It wasn't because I didn't have any clue, it was because there are many things I'm passionate about. I feel strongly about, positivity, kindness, beauty, acceptance, anti-bullying etc. It was hard trying to choose one. I didn't know what to do but I was certain that I wanted to make it about something I'm going through or something that i've been through. But you're probably trying to understand why i chose self-love so here..

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I chose self-love for my personal project because the past 3 years it has really been hard. High school has really taken a big toll on me, especially, my mental state. The past years, I was really quiet and self conscious. My role models weren't just my brothers and my parents, they were also, girls who I thought were prettier than me. Instead of only looking up to my brothers (I look up to my brothers very much), I was looking up to girls I thought was beautiful and attractive and just something that I thought I wasn't. Everyday I was wishing to be like every girl. I hated myself. I hated what I looked like. I hated that I couldn't be like the girls I wanted to be because the girls I wanted to be like, I thought they had everything. In my mind I wanted everything that they had. I dressed different, I acted different, becoming someone I wanted to be for someone else but not for myself. AND the sad part why I did all this, was for acceptance, maybe if I was like these girls maybe someone would like me more than a friend. I wanted to fit in during school. I let people walk over me, I did things that I really didn't want to do, I did things to please people. Life SUCKED. It really did.

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Then one day, during June of last year, I got real with myself. I was so tired. I was tired of trying to please everyone, tired of not being who I wanted to be for MYSELF, tired of not standing up for myself, tired of always being scared of what other people thought of me, and tired of trying to be good enough. BECAUSE at the end of the fudging day it still made no difference whatsoever. WHY AM I GOING TO ACT OR BE SOMEONE ELSE FOR SOMEONE ELSE? The one quote that popped into my mind was "Why are you trying so hard to FIT IN when you were born to STAND OUT?" it's still in my mind. That quote has changed my life (I think) for the better. At that time it just clicked. I was done trying to live my life, being someone that I am not. Done letting rejection and not fitting in, run my life. So I stopped thinking that I wasn't beautiful and started believing that I was. I stopped looking for approval and realizing that rejection is ok. I throw people's opinions out the window. I started accepting who I am and that I'm good enough.

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I am certainly NOT PERFECT, I am nowhere close. But, the girls I thought were perfect, the ones that I used to wish I was like, were not perfect, at all. They were not perfect, they had flaws, maybe not on the outside but on the inside. They had personalities that were disgusting, they treated people like they weren't good enough, like they were above them, they judged, everything that I will never allow myself to be. Again, I'm not perfect but I am working to be a better person every single day. 

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I am Sarah Pascua. I am weird, I'm gay (that is a good thing, any of you have problems, FIGHT ME), I am not as skinny as some of the other girls, I am darker than most Filipinos, but I am kind. I will continue my journey through self-love and I may stumble but I will not stop. And you shouldn't either.